That last one really went somewhere, huh?
I was thinking when I started this, the goal for it was to be helpful. It was to be resolutely hopeful. I wanted to say “hey, look at me, I’m fucked too. So don’t worry about it, we all go through it”.
Instead, I find that as I get typing, a thought doesn’t just bite, it gnaws at me and I gotta just follow that feeling. I think I’m the stream of consciousness sort and that’s ok, but it’s not great.
Because when I sit down to type, I come here with a goal. Be it to share an idea or just try get a larf in there somewhere. But my head, man it’s just mess! The second I see a typo, I HAVETOFIXITATONCE!….. But then I forget what I was saying, or where I was going or worse, I know what I wanted to say, but I lost the feeling behind it. And our words don’t carry our feelings, then what’s the point?
I think, and I really want to stress that word think, that it’s gonna be alright for you and me. Being aware of who you are is important.
Fuck “important”, its essential. But knowing who you are doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be able to fix who you are. There are parts of us that even at our most self-hating, we still manage to love about ourselves. Life, more often than not, is about figuring out how to deal with the parts we don’t.
Ah criminy, wouldn’t ya know it, I just fixed a typo there and now I’m drawing a blank.