Should I be even starting these with a tailored opening or a catch-phrase? Is that hokey? I like saying howdy doody in person though so maybe I’ll get away with it. Dunno about the poster at the top each time. Seems gimmicky. That, and I can’t recall what site I was making my little posters on. Shame too, I took all these gonzo selfies and now they are just sitting on me phone, wasting away. I’ll try find a use for em somehow.
Ahwell, this whole thing is a learning process at the end of the day. We’ll get there when we get there and all that.
So, how have you been? Good I hope! I’m in a bit of a make it or break moment right now. A job I’ve been after for a few months finally has a spot opening up there, so I’m feeling anxious. It would make the quality of living go up a decent amount, its only a walk away rather than a walk, a bus and some more walk away. They’ll pay for a course and then once through that, RAISES! Been quite some time since I’ve worked at a place that gives those. So it ticks a lot of boxes for me and mine.
So it’s good, but it’s not what I want or imagine for myself. I’m hoping that getting it helps me relax. Like, really relax. I can’t remember the last day I’ve gotten through without carrying some tension. When I first got the job I’m in now, that fixed a mighty few problems for me. I was living poor, scraping by. My partner was not working and having to constantly be away from home for pocket change was killing me. I felt a tremendous burden of responsibility because I was using these scraps to keep me, my partner and son fed and the lights on, but there was never enough for me and her to do anything. Just stuck in the house, me bringing this bad fucking mood home, with this awful wall of anger, fear and resentment being built between us.
We went down a pretty dark road for a time. We’ve talked about it since but something was lost there and I don’t think we got it back. I’ll try to get into that someday, just have other things on my plate right now.
But when I got the current job, the money went up, so my sleep cycle improved and slowly but surely, the invisible weight on my shoulders lifted. That old tension rescinded.
Just to stress, I am not in a well-paying job right now, I’m just fuck-lucky enough to be paid worse for the majority of my living so this felt HUGE at the time…
But time, as they say, goes on.
Said I’d just pop in with a wee update. Trying just to focus on discipline right now if I’m honest. It’s funny, back around Octoberish I was managing to focus on doing some fiction a day. Just do a 1000 words, sleep on it and do some more, at least 5 days a week. It was rock solid advice for me. Keep me energised whenever I sat to type and the next day, I’d tackle the next part fresh and with roughly 18 hours or so of thinking what to do next. I can’t recommend it enough as a way to get into the habit.
Somewhere during the Christmas struggles, I just dropped it. Didn’t put a pen to paper again till maybe early Jan and POOF, just like that, the will was gone. It’s easy to write when you have enthusiasm but its another thing entirely to do so using discipline.
Is fuck-lucky a term? I think it ought to be.
Stay well and catch ya next time!