Yes, I’m still sick. I think I’m done though.
This feels like the last day of it. The brain no longer feels like mush and the sweating, that eternal, viscous sweating is finally over.
Every few minutes, maybe even hours,
There will be silence in my home,
My chest no longer creaks every time I lean forward so I think with a good night’s rest, I’ll be in the clear. Getting that rest is another thing altogether.
No music this week. My head is very tender so maybe listen to some ambient typing with the odd cough thrown in if you want to get the honest experience.
I had planned on doing a mini summary on some of the events throughout Wrestlemania weekend, just that my head was far too busy to really sit through it all. I never even got to watch the big show itself, instead just picking the matches that caught my fancy. I stayed up late on Friday to catch the TakeOver show, which was an absolute treat, but it really set my body back when it came to recovering.
In other news, my business management course is ending in 3 weeks. We’re going to be on break for the following two weeks, in which that time it was expected of me to have 40 pages written on management, a powerpoint presentation condensing those 40 pages AND also doing a 10-minute talk on the subject. I was informed of all this LAST Wednesday.
Forty long-winded painstakingly researched pages.
That sounds hellish, doesn’t it?
Look, I am lazy to a fault, I know this.
However, that right there is an awful lot to throw on people.
Thanks to the aforementioned germs that kept my skull pounding 24/7, I couldn’t focus enough to get any work done, yet at the same time…
I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
I’d try to get stuck into it between calls at work, only to further frustrate myself. Not only that, I always intend to have at least one 2000 words or so piece to throw up here a week, a goal that will be far easier to maintain/achieve once the course ends. When I don’t do this, my head gets (I believe the medical term is) fucky.
I feel that I owe it to myself to at least try to do the thing I want to do with my life. My determination to become more than what I am, to actually, I dunno, grow, is a major driving force for me these days.
Sadly, almost 3 decades of apathy and nihilism have proven difficult to contend with.
I can’t start on the project because I have no plan of attack.
I can’t write for here, or even some fiction for myself, as I can’t stop fretting about the project.
I can’t even lie down to chance a rest as I feel guilty about not writing for myself, because I can’t make headways on the project.
I was burning myself out with nothing to show for it.
Yesterday, that all changed.
I told my course coordinator that I was having major difficulties sussing out where to start this thing from. That I felt that some of her notes were contradicting emails she had sent us on how to structure. She asked the class if anyone else was having the same issues.
She said the most beautiful sentence I have ever had the privilege to hear.
Right, cut out the powerpoint and the summary, I just said those as I wanted ye to get on top of things right away. No one has time to read all that, so why write it. Just try to aim for fourteen pages, yeah?
I could rant on about the fact she tried to use overworking as a motivation technique, causing all the stress to begin with, which is probably a frowned upon thing to do as an educator, alas, I’m simply far too gone to get into all that.
Instead, I focus on the good.
14 half-assed, barely researched pages.
That sounds heavenly, doesn’t it?
By half 8 yesterday evening, I felt like a different person.
I didn’t walk home,
I am still knackered from almost a week of sweating, coughing, sneezing, aching and that old faithful, stressing. With that in mind, I’ve decided I’m just gonna let my brain melt for the next 48 hours and I’ll let it solidify once more come Saturday evening.