Just Gonna do a wee checking in today, with three goals in mind.
Goal Numero Uno
just trying to get back in the swing of posting. It’s an obvious thing, but it’s true. The more you write, the better you’ll be as you notice those little hiccups and with any luck, manage to sort them out.
I appear to have a compulsion to throw the word “just” into any sentence,
And at any time.
For the rest of this piece, in order to try to burn it out of me, if I do use it, I’m going to leave it in and highlight it,
just to show how much of an issue it is. Hopefully, in the coming days and weeks, I’ll manage to show up here with greater frequency.
Goal the Second
More to acknowledge Interview Daze and what happened there. The goal was to review and assess my head space after the interviews and to chart the mental flagellation I was forcing upon myself while waiting to hear back. I had all the pre-interview stuff done, talking about my little accident and how then remembering that I’ve been in vaguely similar situations before.
I wanted to break down the post-interview feelings. How they went and the ensuing week of waiting. Then, with that posted, I’d wait to hear back and do a follow-up. One, that I hoped, was going to be a positive one.
As it so happens,
Before I finished the piece, I got confirmation that I hadn’t got the role I sought. That was around 12.30pm on the 21/05/19.
I had applied for two roles,
The second bullet didn’t take long finding its mark.
Time of Death; 3:54pm.
I was dejected, defeated and even now, I can’t help but feel cynical about the whole thing. I know myself well enough to know, even with the best of intentions, I wouldn’t be able to finish the piece and act as if I was still waiting to hear back.
Also, if I didn’t post what I had promptly, I’d more than likely discard it.
Sit on something too long, and you’ll
just cling to it more and more. Convincing yourself to let it cook just a bit longer and you’ll have something special.
To toss it out would very much so be against the point of this place. I tell ya, on Tuesday just gone, I felt done. That life has a place in mind for me and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. That I exist to dwell at the bottom rung of the ladder.
I came home to an empty house that day, and I was so grateful for that.
Any moment now,
I’m going to breakdown
The tears were bubbling up
My fists, clenched
And once home, when I was sure none would trespass upon me,
I released it.
Every tear, every scream, every cry.
It was a frenzied thing,
Having allowed myself that,
I got to work.
I think I’ll have to delve further into that soon
just so I can clear my head. For now, it can wait. I’m long overdue some rest. Hmm, let’s bow things out on a better note.
Goal Number Tri
I just want to say,
Thanks for reading,
I woke up to find I have more than 30 followers now. Keeping things positive, that ain’t nothing to dismiss. Now, let’s be real, some of you (you know who you are) are bots, but that’s ok. Anyone is welcome here, be you human, robot, alien, 4th dimension parasite or even just a rogue program who has come here to learn what it is to be human.
This is me, signing off, hoping that if you found this place, it cast a little bit of light on your day.
Don’t be a stranger, say hi!
Just to stress, Adultations is a play on “Adulations”, I ain’t thick!