An Anniversary… Of Sorts

Howdy Doody!

Yesterday, no wait, we’ll say today because it’s more meaningful, FINE, FINE, we’ll just say Yesterday marked an occasion. It was the one year anniversary of me creating this place!

No song this time, but I hereby give you permission to listen to whatever it is yer currently blaring.

Only,

I never did get round to doing anything for quite a while.

I had an idea for this place.

It was a far more romantic and idealised back then.

That on the day I turned 30, I was going to start this place.

That I was going to start marking and journaling an honest attempt to live.

Things…

Changed.

I expected that I would somehow magically motivate myself. That upon my 30th birthday, that innate maturity I’m supposed to have would finally show itself, so I could figure out what I’m meant to be doing.

I waited an hour.

A Day.

A Week.

8889171-barren-desert-land-in-national-park-sarigua-in-panama
….

Nothing Came.

There was no sudden profound clarity.

No instilled confidence or reasonable pocket of self-worth bestowed upon me.

I was,

Still Me.

And that,

Was a tough pill to swallow.

Mid June, precisely 10 days after my 30th, I reserved this place. The name of it has been in my head for a time now, and it still couldn’t be more apt. I feel like an adult in age alone, and in every other way;

A Sham.

Hardly a unique viewpoint, I know.

I thought “Maybe just talk. Share your experience, or lack thereof” in the hopes that maybe I learn something about myself,

Maybe I,

Grow.

And at worst, maybe someone reads it and it helps them figure out themselves, or

What they are not.

There was a fun idea where I’d try new things.

Learn a language

Learn to drive

Pick up a hobby

And essentially chart my progress in it.

Many of us, so many of us, are too often guilty of listening to the voice that says “No” when we need to listen to the one that says “Why not?”.

I’m not sure what happened next.

I only know,

I listened to the wrong voice.

This week, I’m off from work. There’s a pretty major reboot coming in my life, and I needed the time adjust as best as possible.

So,

With the week off, I’m giving myself the time to just talk.

Why Not?

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